|If you see this, you are at a crap orgy.|
I used to go to orgies.
I started going shortly after I got my job at the commercial dungeon. Another submissive from the D, Miss Ginger, introduced me to a skinny blond guy friend of hers that she'd nicknamed Twinky and he and I hit it off. During our dirty talk Twinky would say that he wanted us to have a threesome with another man. Twinky had always wanted to give a blow job, and he wanted me to be there when it happened.
That wasn't a fantasy of mine, but I was down for an orgy even though I didn't know where to find one. So Twinky and I looked where all newbie sexual deviants look: craigslist.
We found an ad with one picture of a sex swing advertising an orgy party for male/female couples or single females only. This is a common orgy rule so that the parties don't get overrun by sketchy single guys. In the ad, there was a phone number for the female half of the couple to call to RSVP.
I talked to a nice enough sounding middle aged man named John who claimed his parties were full of 'sexy Hollywood types.' The party was at his home that he owned with his wife, who was going to be out of town the actual night of the party. This was the first of many times I would get invited to an orgy at the home of a husband and wife, in which the wife was co-incidentally out of town on the night of the party. Since single men aren't usually welcome in the swinger community, so some lie about having a female partner so they don't look creepy (which they are and not for wanting lots of sex, but for being huge liars).
The party was at a light green ranch home at the end of a cul de sac in Encino. The front lawn was overgrown with weeds and high grass. Twinky and I were actually pretty high on weed, and we climbed right over the brush to the front door. John answered the door. He looked mid-40’s, white, and was of average height. He was balding in the front with a long ponytail in the back. John wore a terry cloth robe that was untied with black dress socks and Crocs. Dick in the wind.
“The hotties are here!” That was how he summoned our arrival to the other guests. This alarmed me. It suggested that we were the only hotties at the party, and you never want to the hottest one at the orgy.
The house wasn't a dump but it wasn't fancy. The furniture had been pushed out of the way to make way for a dance floor. I don't remember what kind of music was playing but no one was dancing. An Magnovox TV and VCR were set up in the living room playing old school porn, like the kind where the actors had pubic hair. There was a coffee table stacked with vintage Penthouses and Hustlers, their pages warped by moisture. It’s like we were in an electronics museum and a porn museum at the same time. There was an indoor Jacuzzi that was way too frothy. We went outside to smoke more weed.
A group of people our own age were in the backyard smoking cigs and drinking out of plastic red cups. We introduced ourselves. A man pulled out a folding chair for me. Another man brought out a folding chair for Twinky, lit his cigarette and handed him a beer. I'd never seen straight guys be so courteous to one another. Here's another orgy principle - hetero men are super nice to each other because they need the approval of other men to before they can fuck their dates.
I was getting fawned all over as well, by men and women, although that wasn’t a new experience for me. ;) The kids our age were OK to socialize with, but I didn’t want to get naked with them. Nobody was gross but no one was that good looking either, except for this one dude who looked like Henry Rollins and his girlfriend who was a tiny redhead in a white dress that looked just like the one Marilyn Monroe wore in The Seven Year Itch. One girl said she was going back to Iraq in a few days and she wanted to have some girl on girl action before she left. Her husband kept announcing that over and over to the group but there were no takers.
My date and I decided to sneak away to make out. We found an empty room, dark with red walls and red sheets. Soon after my skirt was up over my head, my thong panties were-who knows where?- while I was being orally serviced. At a normal party if you and your date sneak away to a guest bedroom to get it on, and someone accidentally catches you, it's an embarrassing, shameful situation for everyone. Not at an orgy! Someone at the party might hear a moan, or detect a whiff of pussy, and suddenly all the guests are storming the bedroom to get in on the action.
So the door busted open and the not-gross-but-not-that-attractive party guests watched us. Henry and the Redhead jumped in bed with us and started going at it. John came in and hovered right over us and kept whispering, "That’s so horny!" This was super distracting and not sexy. And I had never heard the word 'horny' used in that way in sentence before. Twinky shot his load all over the Redhead's face, but there was no way I could have an orgasm under those circumstances. I found my thong panties in a corner and we said goodbye and wormed our way through the weeds and vowed never to return to a craigslist sex event. We did make an agreement, however, that we would keep going to new sex parties until we struck orgy gold (all hotties, mansions, pools, bi-guys, free drugs, etc.) And we did find all those things before going our separate ways. Last I heard, Twinky married a woman. Horny.